Rest Easy

When I was in the sixth grade, my parents sent me to this terrible school. It was called Peace of Mind Baptist Christian Academy and it utilized something called the Pace System (I think – this was 20 years ago) where our classroom had kids from elementary through high school working side by side in cold, gray cubby-style desks. I don’t remember a teacher standing in front of the class teaching us all at once. I have no memory of teachers at all, although I’m sure they were there. I only remember spending my days working on my own stuff in my little gray box. There’s a list of bad things that happened at that school that year, and I still ask my parents why in the world they ever sent us there, but two good things happened. The first is that my uncle was in charge of the morning carpool. Each morning, he drove my two cousins, my two siblings and me to school. I got to sit in the front seat while the younger four squished into the backseat of my aunt’s gold blazer (the 90s were a different time. Please don’t judge our parents.) She always kept an Anita Baker cassette in the tape deck, but we rarely listened to it. We spent the entire ride listening to my uncle tell stories, make jokes and complain about other drivers on the road. One morning, we drove past a car with the windshield wipers on. It seemed perfectly normal until we realized that it was a bright, sunny Virginia morning without a rain cloud in sight. At that moment, my uncle turned into our own private comedian. I’m sure that was the first time any of us heard the word “buffoon” used in a sentence. We laughed all the way to school and still laugh about it when one of us brings it up, and I can’t even tell you why it was so funny. I think we were just glad to be squished into that car together. 

The second good thing that came out of the year at PMBCA was that I learned how to read the Bible. Each morning, our first task was to open our bible to the chapter of Proverbs that corresponded with the date (today we would have read Proverbs 16). We were to read the chapter through once and then choose three verses to rewrite in our own words. At first, I thought this was a silly exercise and would just replace some of the words with the synonyms I knew. But over time, I learned how to understand the scriptures and apply them to my life. And ever since then, when I open my Bible and can’t decide where to turn, I begin with the chapter in Proverbs that corresponds with the date and move on from there.  

*** 

This morning, I woke up feeling a little anxious. Today is the first official day of “social distancing” in our community due to the COVID-19 pandemic. We’re prepared to hunker down at home for the next few weeks as we attempt to “flatten the curve” and prayerfully ensure that it doesn’t spread as quickly throughout our country (or at all, please Lord). I can honestly say that I’m not worried about myself or my children getting it. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t at all concerned about my husband and the older people in our family, like my 83 year old grandmother. Sam, specifically, has asthma and I know it would be harder for his body to fight this off.  

Ever since my first child was born, I have been in a battle against postpartum anxiety. It is typically triggered by illness within or surrounding my family. And every time I think I have it under control, something comes up to challenge me. I was doing so well with all of this until today. That could be because Harper cut her finger yesterday and Sam had to take her to urgent care. It could be because I’ve been reading too many articles or engaging too much with social media. But the real reason is because I haven’t spent enough time in God’s word over the last week.  

When I started to feel the familiar tightening in my chest and the quickening of my breath this morning, I knew what to do. I grabbed my bible and sat down at my syrup-covered kitchen table. The girls were occupied watching Frozen II and playing with Barbies, but I knew I had limited time. I wasted a few precious minutes trying to decide what to read until I remembered my day of the month trick. But instead of digging into Proverbs, I turned to Psalms 16. Two verses in, I knew that this was exactly what God wanted me to read today.

“Protect me, God, for I take refuge in you.

I said to the Lord, “You are my Lord;

I have nothing good besides you…

Lord, you are my portion

and my cup of blessing;

You hold my future.

the boundary lines have fallen for me

in pleasant places;

indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I will bless the Lord who counsels me—

even at night when my thoughts trouble me.

I always let the Lord guide me.

Because he is at my right hand,

I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad

and my whole being rejoices;

my body also rests securely.

For you will not abandon me to Sheol;

you will not allow your faithful one to see decay.

You reveal the path of life to me;

in your presence is abundant joy;

at your right hand are eternal pleasures.”

Psalms 16:1-2, 5-11 (CSB) – emphasis mine 

I’m so thankful that God holds my future and the future of my family. We may be taking physical refuge in our home right now, but our true refuge is in the presence of our God. He will not abandon us or allow us to see decay. So, let’s rest easy friends. Let’s put down our phones and turn off our TVs (unless you’re using it as a short break from parenting – that’s always allowed). Let’s have dance parties in the kitchen, read books in the playroom, and take walks in the fresh air. Let’s build towers with our kids, stay up late with our husbands, read good books or write good words. Let’s blast worship music and pray for our nation and our neighbors. Let’s have breakfast for dinner. Let’s cherish the gift of unexpected family time and let God handle the rest. 

And let’s keep washing our hands.